Just Who’s Alienating Who?

Child Alienation as a collective effort and how one Social Service Agency is taking steps to prevent further abuse

Over the years I have watched my ex-wife make false claims of domestic violence and child physical and sexual abuse to anyone who would listen. She learned quickly how easy it was to manipulate and use “protective” services as a means to sever my relationship with our two children.  Over and over again I have encountered incompetence, gender bias, and predudice from  government , (court judges and staff),  the medical profession,  from therapists,  CPS, school admisistrators, and community organizations; all of whom have been manipulated to use their influence to further alienate innocent  children from a loving parent.

These “good doers” have supported and encouraged my children to detatch themselves from me based soley on the information they received from a psychopathic mother and her troubled children.  No effort was made to reach out to me to discuss or subtantiate the horrible claims of abuse.  Knowingly or not, their attitudes collectively caused great harm to my childrens’ mental health,  resulting in emotional distress and a unecessary depression which troubles them today and will be with them for years to come.

 

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One of my exwife’s “pawn” attempts was directed at  Family Intervention Services, a moblie response team covering family crisis intervention for Morris County NJ.  As she had done with many other services, my ex-wife  would call upon FIS when she felt the need to reinforce the childrens negative feelings towards their father or when she needed to distract peoples attention away from herself at times when her alienating agenda was dangerously close to being discovered.

I learned of these “crisis intervention” visits made by FIS about one year after they occurred.  Reportedly, they were called to visit my children in response to anxiety and behavioral issues stemming from the effects of their relationship with an “abusive” father, I obtained the call report documents and decided to meet with them in person to set the record straight and also to offer my advise on how they could better serve their client base if  their staff had a better understanding of  Parental Alienation.

To my surprise, they were open to my suggestions and eager to hear my input.
After several discussions I was invited to speak at one of their staff meetings to share my personal story, and give a presentation  on the basics of Parental Alienation and Parental Alienation Syndrome.

On April 21st, 2014 , I had the pleasure of addressing the staff of  FIS in Hacketstown NJ.
I have included in this post links to “My Story”,  my slide presentation, and a pocket brochure I designed specifcally for the metal health community.
I hope others find this information useful as well.

I applaud FIS for their openmindedness and  for looking at the bigger picture.  I have great respect for their ability to recognize the value of considering all family members when evaluating a troubled child, and that gaining some understanding of the overall family dynamics is important when making a recommendation for future services.

 

 

My Parental Alienation Shared Story

 

FIS Slide Presentation

 

PA Brochure for MH     

(or open photo version below)

PA 4 MH 2 PA 4 MH1

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2 Responses to “Just Who’s Alienating Who?”

  1. …Father’s Day, What Father’s Day ? ……..
    How Parental Alienation Effects Father’s Today
    ……………..By Joseph Goldberg, 2012…………………
    .
    .
    This is an important article for Grandfathers as
    well as for fathers.
    .
    I am spoofing the title of this article from a good
    friend of mine, Chaim Steinberger. He wrote a very
    insightful and brilliant journal article on Parental
    Alienation that he called, “ Father, What Father ? “
    .
    I decided to write about this holiday because many
    father’s will be hurting when it arrives. They won’t
    be getting to see their child or receive a call or any
    cards or any other acknowledgement because their
    children are alienated and that means come Sunday
    they’ll be rejected for very unjustified reasons.
    .
    For some dad’s who will be waiting to see their kid
    because a court order forces them to go, don’t be
    surprised when they show up- only to tell you they
    don’t want to be with you or only to say,” I hate
    you “… don’t expect them to change,,, that’s why its
    called a parental alienation dynamic.
    .
    I am writing my article just for fathers and for
    grandfathers, but the rest of you will hopefully
    also appreciate the message.
    .
    You know the old saying, “ Silence is deafening. “
    Well it’s deafening for a reason, and as another old
    saying goes, “ Everything happens for a reason. “
    Even though you may not be getting their affection
    on Sunday, it doesn’t mean your child isn’t at least
    thinking of you, and because they are alienated and
    unable to express to you that you’re not forgotten …
    and that they do love you, let me be the first one to
    remind you of that fact. Your kids do love you, and
    you’re not forgotten because Sunday, is also a very
    painful holiday reminder for them.
    .
    It’s painful to them to be without you because every-
    where they go and see a father with his son or, with
    his daughter; laughing, hugging, or kissing, smiling
    at each other, going out to lunch together, to dinners
    or a movie, driving together, talking on a cell phone,
    texting, meeting up somewhere, it reminds them
    that it’s also not them being with you.
    .
    Every time they turn on their TV that day, flip open
    their computer, listen to the radio, they will hear
    that it’s Father’s Day, and every time they pass by
    a store there will be an item for sale saying it’s
    Father’s Day, and they didn’t get you your present.
    They didn’t get to say, “ you’re my dad “ and then
    the words, `” I love you. “ They’ll try and block it
    out but how do you block out the sky, the ground
    below…. how do you erase the touch on your skin
    or what you feel deep in your bones ? It’s a psycho-
    logical skeleton.
    .
    Denial is a fixated condition for alienated
    children, so is breathing. Memories of love for
    father are never really erased they’re just
    buried below the surface and those memories
    will resurface on this Sunday, Father’s Day.
    .
    Take comfort in the fact that your picture may
    not be in a frame next to their bed or on the wall
    in their mom’s house, but they are not deleted
    from their memory. It is also hard to ignore
    mother trying to pretend how much better off
    they are without you, while the look on her face
    also reminds them she can’t be the father they’re
    missing out on today.
    .
    No matter what stepfather tries to take your
    place after you got replaced, displaced and
    erased, nothing is ever going to hold back their
    feelings of loss because they’re connected to
    their father when they see themselves in a
    mirror. Some likeness of you is something in
    their DNA that they can see in their own face.
    .
    Not only are there painful memories there
    are probably more than a few good ones.
    Like the time you took them to a show, or
    watched them at a school performance,
    or played some game with them, played
    with your pet, took them to visit your
    parents, cooked a meal for them, these
    memories are also resurfacing around them.
    .
    Imagine how it must feel for them to watch
    their friends getting together with their dads
    and how they have to explain or avoid talk-
    ing about you not being around on Father’s
    Day. Imagine anyone else trying to act as a
    substitute for the father they are missing in
    their lives and never saying,
    .
    “ Why don’t you call your dad today ? “
    .
    How is their behaviour going to be memorial-
    ized in the future ?
    .
    Father’s Day, is something I feel long after my
    own father has passed away. You don’t have
    to actually be around to be remembered and
    to be loved. I don’t need to feel bad about the
    father’s day I am not spending with him this
    Sunday, I will be thinking about all the good
    times with my dad and I know that your child-
    ren might want you to believe that they don’t
    love you back, but that’s just denial talking.
    .
    You’re as much a part of their life as you
    have ever been ( even more so ) and not
    because of being present, but because
    of being absent. Believe it because we
    know from all the social science research
    that this is truly how alienated children
    are feeling.
    .
    I feel my father is with me now even though
    he passed more than 15 years ago. I was
    alienated from him by a mother that
    extinguished him from my life, but not
    forever. We made up for all the lost time
    and years of alienation that was stolen from
    us both.
    .
    In the Jewish religion when a loved parent
    dies we say prayers, Kaddish, and we light a
    candle in memory of the parent. Perhaps as
    a way to remember that you are still a
    parent you should light a candle and keep
    it burning all day, on Father’s Day.
    .
    Say a prayer of love, memorialize your
    feelings of loss and perhaps to help be
    forgiving so anger does not take over
    the better part of judgment in your life.
    .
    As a targeted, rejected parent remember the
    good parts of the person you are and remain
    and strive to lift yourself up, don’t let any-
    thing change that belief in your-self because
    sometimes all we have is ourselves to believe
    in, and in truth that’s the one person whose
    opinion counts the most.
    .
    For more educational information please visit
    http://www.ParentalAlienation.ca
    http://www.ParentalAlienationEducation.com

    Like

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